What has sleeping with someone got to do with raiding anyway?

I stumbled across a comment the other day which made me cringe. “We don’t accept couples into our guild unless one of them is on social only status.” A little further on there was a remark about how “sooner or later, the one will break the mould and say they won’t go without the other”. From what I’ve seen they’re not the only guild to opt for this rule. In fact it seems quite a common practice.

I find it sad. And it makes me angry.

Now, I can thoroughly understand why some people might think this way, if they’ve had to put up with “I’m not going without……” time and time again regularly. It makes things majorly difficult choosing who goes on a 25 man raid, and nigh on impossible on a progression 10 man.

I can understand it if one half of the partnership is great, and the other can’t raid their way out of one of those cheap plastic carrier bags which split and spill all your groceries as soon as you head out into the supermarket car-park, your Tampax and uber giant chocolate bar falling at the feet of the really hot guy with the awesome car. It happens.

But there’s also a part of me which feels like it’s another unrecognised “ism”.  A discriminatory factor that’s somehow perfectly acceptable where racism and sexism are not. I may be  a decent raider, and a good team member  who never stands in the fire, but then …OMG they won’t let me be part of the team because of who I fuck?

HOW does this get passed as being acceptable? If I was turned down because of my age, or my race, or any other reason, it would be deemed as bigotted. And what if I’ve got a ring on my finger but I play with a WoW spouse instead?  I guess that doesn’t count against me?

It annoys the hell out of me because there are so many assumptions being made. That one will not play without the other. That being in a couple means you’re joined at the hip. That the one only knows what they know because the other is a WoW hardcore player and the partner’s only playing because of it. And it annoys me to think that I may be viewed as “the exception to the rule.” It’s simply not true.

“I’m raiding tonight.” “Oh. I guess I’ll be levelling another alt then.”  Way to go. In many other pursuits, couples can spend quality time together. Dancing, hiking, mountain biking, whatever. But here we have a situation that’s positively discouraging couples to play together.

People only see the potential for drama, they don’t see the advantages. You know someone. You know how they’re going to act, how things are going to be. Hell, you’ve got people likely to be in the same room who can communicate VERY quickly.

I’m not the only married woman out there.  There’s a number of others on my regular reading list. All of us it would seem in sensible guilds who don’t ostracise someone because of who they’re sleeping with.

Guess Grumpy Tree is Grumpy today. But it still seems like a bigotted attitude to me……

And because I’m grumpy and this is about couples….I shall post a link to a Coupling clip which never fails to cheer me up.  I’m still trying to work out the cushion thing myself…..

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4 Responses to What has sleeping with someone got to do with raiding anyway?

  1. Joe says:

    Well I think you are one of the lucky ones.

    I’d give my… left arm to be able to play a game I enjoy with the other half.

    Gaming is for everyone, people who put stupid wanky limits on it, are just trying to justify a false sense of authority. Purely nonsense.

  2. Issy says:

    Actually, although I hate to say this.. I can see a few very good points for not having partners on the same raid team.

    First up, they will both have the same holidays (i.e. miss the same raid nights) – and while getting 1 spotfiller into a static team is not a killer, getting 2 can be.

    2nd, drama – I’ve been guilty of this, where I caused a problem because someone wronged a partner, where if it had been me *got at* I probably would have left it.

    3rd, kids – honestly raiding on the same night if you have kids is not a good plan unless you have a very patient raid group

    4th – you’ve heard all the stories about the couples who leave their mics open, right 😉

    I’ve raided in the same group as my husband, and not, and to be honest have never seen that rule.. I probably wouldn’t join a guild that did have it as a rule. Not because I am of the *don’t go without me* ilk, but because I see that as _my_ issue to make it work, not a guild’s.

    I don’t like it as a guild rule, and you are right, it is discriminatory, but I can see why some people would want it there.

    But in good news, it means it’s ok to screw the rest of the raid team as long as you don’t live with them 😛

    • nowiamtree says:

      I agree, I can see all the points you make – but most are also equally applicable to friendships in guild. Which is what really annoys me.

      1) “they will both have the same holidays” – we have raiding members who are good friends who do this. Which isn’t a problem, we just don’t do progression raiding during those times.

      2) Again, close friendships can cause as much drama – I’m very protective of my good friends, almost as much as my husband.

      3) Kids. Where does this put single parents? And again, we have members who have children, we don’t mind them checking up on them, and making sure everything’s okay.

      4) Doesn’t always have to be a couple?! *grins* I’ve come across some single folk doing that – not personally, but you know, you read things!

      THe problem for me is that all of the issues that could crop up are just as possible – if not more so – for people who aren’t in “official” couples. As you said, it sounds like it’s okay to be sneakily shagging/ERPing someone you’ve met in guild after joining, and causing all sorts of guild drama when that eventually comes to light rather than have a bona fide couple. And that doesn’t feel right at all.

      I wouldn’t join a guild that wouldn’t accept myself and my husband, because I don’t like to be judged simply because of my relationship status. And that’s what I feel these guilds are doing.

      • Rem says:

        Ah, you beat me to what I essentially wanted to reply, too 🙂

        Issy, especially your 2nd point makes it sound as if a guild generally should contain no people who are friends. I’ve been known to become rather furious when friends of mine have been wronged 😉

        Yes, there is the risk of collateral effects when dealing with couples. But there is also the potential for advantages. There is no record of dramas averted by spouses calming or comforting each other, simply because those cases never reach the public – that’s the point.

        There are risks and advantages in everything, and I quite agree with Ze Tree, sweepingly saying “couples are too risky” is no different than saying “foreigners are too risky”.

        Even if you are (that’s a rhetoric “you”) the most hardcore leader, ask for the functional, not for the incidental. What you’re really looking for is performance and behaviour, so ask for that and judge by that, not for factors that may or may not influence what you actually care about.

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