We’re currently gearing up and looking at our potential raid composition, and how to deal with our shortage of healers. We’re not the sort of guild that can plan months in advance, as we’re fairly easy going, and we don’t have raid attendance requirements, plus we like people to play what they really enjoy – in our case mostly warriors it would seem! However this has lead us to that lack of healers and one of the replies to our discussion about it made me think.
Said player – who is a fantastic hunter – explains (seriously paraphrased!) that healing makes her all tetchy and she doesn’t have the peace and calm to heal. I totally understood her response, but it also put a little smile on my face, because I don’t actually feel that myself when I heal! And it got me thinking about what healing means to me.
You see I have a confession to make. As a healer, I always think it’s my fault when the shit hits the fan and we have a wipe. I’ve died more than my fair share of times, due to watching others’ health bars and not my own – I’m getting much better at that now, thankfully! But it shows that I’m so heavily focussed on others first and foremost. And I suspect it’s a fault many lifestyle healers have had to overcome….But I always look at myself first, when there’s a wipe. And heaven forbid, if I definitely know it was my fault, I even deliberately punish myself by passing on loot, unless it’s an upgrade for me, in which case passing would be plain stupidity. People don’t tend to notice that, they’ve certainly not picked up on it, and it may come as a shock to read it here. But don’t tell me off about it, it’s not going to make me change my mind about it. If it’s my fault there’s a wipe, then others need that dosh for repairs.
I’m also not cool and collected, healing for me means responsibility for others, and I have my “Oh shit!” moments on a very regular basis. I try to quell them as best as possible. ToL and Tranquility are both good for those moments….
Sometimes I do get a bit….angsty about my healing in other ways. I’m very bad at taking criticism from people who don’t play healers, who don’t know the intimate feel that I have of healing. (Note: this doesn’t mean I’m the best, it just means I’ve been healing a good bit over the last year.) It has a very different feel to it, you look at fights in a different way – and I find that walking into a fight I know well as a healer as a boomkin is like walking into a brand new fight. Different reactions, different viewpoints, different things to take into account. It’s like dancing, I’d say. There’s a huge difference between say bellydance and classical ballet – but some of the elements and principles overlap if you want to put on a good show.
I know that personalitywise, I’m more re-active than pro-active, though I seem to have this sixth sense when it comes to slapping on a free Regrowth, nine times out of ten, as soon as I’ve done it, the target gets damaged. I know I should care more about over-healing, but if it’s from Lifebloom, I don’t give a monkeys as that’s my Replen we’re talking about…..
If I were in PUG groups, I wouldn’t heal stupid. For me stupid can also equal rude.
I enjoy removing magic, curses or poisons. I’m watching those health bars anyway, it makes sense. It makes my job easier the sooner they’re gone.
But most importantly, I know I care deeply about making sure I do a good job. It’s easier to do this when I care about my group – which as I’m doing guild runs, is all the time. And bottom line is that I actually find healing the easiest, most pleasant and fun role for me, for my personality.